Social Graces

What Etiquette Is

People like to get along with other people. All your life you will be influenced by others, and in turn you will influence them. In order to set some standard for behavior, society has created what we call “etiquette”. Webster’s New World Dictionary defines etiquette as “the forms, manners, and ceremonies established by convention as acceptable or required by society, in a profession or in official life.” This section is to help you to learn how to follow the rules of etiquette. Also, it should help you to learn to reason and become adaptable enough to make a few of your own rules for those inevitable social occasions that have no definite plan. Thus, we might also consider etiquette as the ability to reason and do the right thing at the right time. If you can do this, you will have social grace.

There are three main steps toward becoming a socially gracious person. The first one comes at home, mostly during your early years, when family influences and relationships will probably carry on for the rest of your life. The second occurs at school, when you begin making friends and learn to get along with many other people. The third comes when you move from school out into the whole world of friends and strangers, which we call society. The main point for you, as an individual, is to be prepared to use good manners at all times in any one of the three settings– home, school, society.

Social grace comes with having poise. Poise comes with experience in meeting all kinds of people and knowing what to do or say. If you study this section, which gives you many of the acceptable rules of etiquette as well as some suggestions for meeting new problems, you will learn to feel more secure in all kinds of social situations.

Courtesy begins at home

Each family develops its own rules for behavior on smaller matters, and usually children of the family are trained in these things from infancy. There are basic rules for behavior that can apply to every family, and if a young child learns these rules and customs well and applies them at home, the good habits of behavior can continue rather easily when he goes to school and begins visiting in other homes.

Many old and time-honored customs are good to learn and to use because they have been proved and accepted over the generations. Then too, new habits for courtesy and safety must be learned because today people move around more, travel more, and do a greater variety of things each day then was common in the past. This means that young people have to learn to deal with new situations.

In making family life more pleasant and orderly, parents will expect their children to obey certain courtesies in the home. The same basic rules apply when you go to a restaurant, or travel, or visit at friends’ homes.

Most courtesies of daily living are really very simple to learn and to apply. Obedience comes first, when young children are learning good behavior and safety. Kindness and consideration are learned as children get a little older and realize that other people have wants and needs too.

Obey your father and mother

This is paramount. Your life may depend upon it. A small child must learn to obey a sudden order. A parent might call to him “stop,” to keep him from running into the street when a car is coming, or to keep him from reaching toward a fire or hot stove, or from approaching a strange dog, or, indeed, from any danger that the child does not recognize. Gradually, as the child grows older and feels ready to make his own decisions, his parents’ advice and guidance take place of such direct orders.

Be considerate to your brothers and sisters.

This is really part of the ancient Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do to you.”

When people live together, and each person has his own wishes, courteous habits help to prevent quarreling and unhappiness. If real differences of opinion occur, families should try to solve their problems by talking them over. Often a solution can be reached in calmness. Quarreling can become a habit. If members of a family try to be courteous, even if they are very angry, they find that through mutual kindness their problems are more easily solved.

Kindness is a wonderful quality in human beings. All the major religions of the world teach about kindness and consideration in the family. The feeling we call “Love” is usually expressed by simply trying to be kind.

Be considerate of others

Most young people, as well as most adults, do not spend much time these days in “formal” situations. It used to be that a “well-brought-up” girl or boy would be taken by his or her mother to call on the mothers’ friends. Little girls learned to curtsy, and little boys to bow. If they went out to “tea,” it was expected that the children do these things, and to speak and answer only when spoken to. Customs like these have almost disappeared. Such behavior is now considered to be “old fashioned” or “Victorian”

Politeness and friendliness were the reasons why ladies in the old days “called” upon one another and sometimes brought their children along. We might feel sorry for the “good” little boy or girl who had to go, all scrubbed and starched, to call on a lady of his mother’s acquaintance. Probably the child had strict orders to sit quietly and not tease the cat, to accept only one piece of cake and not ask for more! At least, though, the children knew what to do and not what to do, for a formal situation is almost a ritual.

Nowadays, many mothers work and do not have the time or desire to make formal calls or to have visitors in the afternoon in a formal manner. Many other mothers are busy keeping house, doing the marketing, serving on committees, or driving the car to call for children at school and taking to their lessons and ball games.

Mothers today also enjoy calling on their friends when they have the time, and if you go with your mother, though you will not be expected to curtsy or bow, it is still good behavior to answer politely and in a friendly way when you are asked about school, your lessons, or your team or club. Even an informal situation calls for good manners.

In someone else’s home it is best to wait until your hostess suggests that you go outside to play or explore her house. If she warns you about her dog or her newly planted flower bed, it is for your own sake that she is speaking, and she wants to save you from embarrassment and keep you out of trouble. If adults speak sharply to you, it is because they think it is the best way to teach you. Many adults are not patient with young people. Perhaps it will help you if you understand that adults have many things to worry and tire them, and they wish, even though they are fond of you, to keep you from adding to their problems. Instead of arguing with adults, be patient with them. You will learn to understand their behavior better. You will also come to realize that someday you to will have adult problems to solve, and that patience is a great help. You, and the adults around you, are all trying to do the best you can to be considerate and patient.

Quarreling is unnecessary. Nothing is so “grace less” as a fight. What can be done when each person in the family wants his own way, wants it badly, and each person really has an equal right to his own way? Here love, patience, kindness and humor are important. In such a spirit, most problems big and little, can be solved or at least settled in a reasonable discussion.

When people live together, differences and quarrels often arise. Children as well as adults can display anger. Children often want to hit and slap; very little children are even tempted to bite! Feelings of this kind must be controlled. Violent behavior only makes the problems greater and more difficult to solve.

Be orderly

Hang up your clothing. Make your bed and keep your room as neat as you can. It is such a help to everyone if you pick up toys, books, and games that are not in use. If you need a place to keep your belongings, the grocer will give you a box or carton that you might decorate with paper or paint to make it look attractive to your room.

Be pleasant to guest in the house

Your home as well as the home of others!

Wipe your shoes before entering the house!

Pets are your responsibility.

Your pet should have attention, food and water regularly. You should help your pet “keep out of trouble” too, by keeping it where it belongs, and, if possible, training it to mind its manners. Of course, pet frogs and turtles, fish or insects cannot be trained, but you and your family will enjoy them more if they are kept safely in a special place.

Do not borrow if you can help it.

This is an important rule to remember all your life, for the exchange of possessions leads to misunderstandings. If it is necessary to borrow something, return it as soon as you can. If you borrow money, return the full amount with a cheerful “thank-you.” In fact, if you do borrow money, have a plan for paying it back before you accept it. If you borrow clothing, equipment of any kind, or a toy, take good care of it and return clean and undamaged. Thank the lender of course. And take care not to let borrowing become a habit.

In the adult business world, a person borrowing money from a bank or lending firm must sign legal papers promising to return it according to a regular payment plan, and the sum borrowed must be repaid with “interest,” that is, about six to three hundred cents over every dollar borrowed as sort of a fee for the use of the money. Banks and lending firms are very careful that money is lent for a good reason, and that they will not readily lend it to persons who cannot show that they can repay their debts.

Young people can prepare themselves for the business part of life by developing careful habits of planning and of taking care of their possessions.

Respect others’ privacy.

Never interfere with another person’s mail, telephone calls, or personal possessions without his permission. If you take a telephone message for someone, be sure to pass the message on to him promptly and correctly. This is necessary because you might create many worries and problems for people if they do not receive a clear and correct message. In a few years, when you are working, accurate information from telephone calls can be important to the success of your business and your own advancement.

Proper use of the telephone is often vital

The telephone should be used as a way for people to communicate without interference. It is needed in emergencies, in calling the police or the fire department, or for someone who is injured. Friendly calls too, mean a great deal.

Telephone is not for pranks.

Young people are often tempted to play games with the telephone. One should not call strangers and then give silly or frightening messages. The results may be cruel or tragic.

When there are several members of a household,

it is courteous for everyone to make sure is not monopolized so as to prevent other incoming calls.

Place calls carefully.

Speak clearly. Make your calls as short as possible; others may want to use the telephone too. Never shout into the telephone. If you receive a call that has been made to the wrong number, make your number clear to the caller so the mistake will not be repeated. If you are taking a message, thank the caller and let him know that you will deliver the message carefully.

Answering the door.

Do Not Open the door until you know who is calling! Here we find a problem, because we want to be kind and hospitable to guest. Yet in order to help protect our home (and ourselves) it is wise to identify the caller before inviting him in. If the visitor is a guest of your family, invite him inside and invite him to sit down. Then ask to be excused and go and tell the host that company has arrived. It is not proper to shout for the host. If others are present in the room when the guest enters, be sure to introduce him to each person.

If the caller at the door is a salesman,

it is better to ask your parents or older brother or sister to speak to him. If you are at home alone when the salesman comes to the door, or if an older person cannot join you, you can politely suggest that the salesman return at a more convenient time. This will save him from embarrassment too. It is best, when you are alone and uncertain, to avoid making any purchases or promises to someone at the door.

For safety’s sake never invite a stranger into your home when you are alone.

Entertaining Guest

Entertaining for young people can be done simply and correctly in a kind and friendly manner and thus can be pleasant and “fun” If your hospitality is simple your guest can be made to feel welcome. When you have a guest come to stay overnight at your house, be sure to show him around so he can feel “at home.” Tell him which parts of the house belong to other members of the family. Your friend will not then be likely to walk into a room where your brother, sister or a parent want privacy.

When your guest arrives,

help him unpack and get settled. He may be tired from his journey and would like to bathe and rest. Have clean towels and linen ready for him. Soon you can talk over your plans. Perhaps he wants to do something or see a particular place or person while visiting you, and it would be courteous to help him in this.

As a guest,

be sure that your plans are convenient for the host. Always offer to be helpful. One of the first and best ways is to keep your own things in order. If you do not have a drawer or closet for your use while visiting, keep your things neatly folded in the box or suitcase. Most homes in the United States do not employ servants, so that if you are a guest, and observe carefully, it is polite to inquire if you might be of help. Possibly the other young people of the household are assigned regular duties. They might be expected to help to set the table, serve the meal, and clear away and do the dishes afterward. Here might be the proper time to help in the kitchen. If the young people, who are your friends and host are doing their chores, it can be a pleasant and sociable time for all of you to work together. If the family insists that you need not help — and you should be able to judge that they really mean it, then you are properly excused.

However, if you are staying for a period of time, you may be asked to help with certain duties.

It is fine to be the sort of guest who can be counted on to help. Even if you are not asked, it is well to remember to keep your own clothes in order, make your bed neatly each morning, and place your bath towel smoothly on the towel rack.

With people whom you do not know very well, you might let them suggest what you are to do. Try to be enthusiastic about their plans for entertaining you. Never act bored. Your hostess might serve foods that are new to you or that you do not like, which is apt to happen.

If you are served food that you dislike, leave it on your plate uneaten, but do not make remarks. If your hostess asks you why you are not eating, and you are unhappy about your dinner, tell her politely that you are not very hungry.

Do not overstay your visit. If a member of your host’s family becomes ill, it is proper to make arrangements to go home. Ordinarily, when one young friend visits another, there should be no difficulties. By being friendly, courteous and co-operative, either as host or guest, most people find that a visit among friends is successful.

When you are leaving, that everyone for having invited you. After you are home, write a note of thanks to your host and hostess. A thank-you note is sometimes called a “bread and butter” letter. This is an important part of good manners and should also be remembered when you have been invited out to dinner, to a show, or have been taken to a sports event. Any attention that people show you, in order to give you a good time, should be properly acknowledged with thanks.

Do not be shy about asking questions if you are visiting. For example, your hosts may forget to tell you when to appear for breakfast. You may ask them what time you should be up and dressed.

As host, try to help your guest to feel at ease by mentioning any household customs that concern him.

Be especially patient with elderly guest.

When someone much older than you want to “visit” with you, they probably are interested in you and the things you do. Often it is a real treat for an older person to talk with young people. You might describe your school and what you are studying. You might talk about the kinds of music you enjoy, for surely the popular music of today is vastly different from what it was fifty years ago. Or you might tell an older person about your hobbies.

Many older people consider things that you have known all your life, such as space exploration, computers and the Internet, as recent and amazing events. Some older people, whose children have grown up, simply enjoy listening to a young voice.

Older people often have interesting stories of their own to tell you. They are twentieth-century people too and have seen more changes in their lifetimes then have occurred in all the previous history of the world. Courtesy between young people and older people can lead to interesting friendships.

Table Manners

Some people will judge you by your table manners. Remember the basic rules, such as beginning the first course with the fork that is to your farthest left-hand side or the spoon on the right. Sit up straight, with the hand that does not hold the fork resting on your lap. Chew your food as quietly as possible. Drink your milk slowly. Do not swallow the entire glassful at one time. By sitting quietly and avoiding extra motion, you avoid spilling. You also make the meal pleasant for others. Avoid “napkin tricks.” It is proper to open your napkin on your lap soon after you are seated. Keep it on your lap, remembering to use it to wipe your mouth quietly when necessary.

Be careful when handling sharp knives or forks.

they can hurt if they slip and cut you. When you have a difficult problem at mealtime, do not be afraid to ask quietly what to do. You might follow the example of others, to see how they are cutting and eating foods that are new to you. If adults tell you to go ahead and pick up your piece of chicken with your fingers, they know that you will enjoy it that way. Try to eat as quietly and neatly as you can, whatever you are served and however you are to manage it. Try to keep the table conversation pleasant, for this makes the mealtime a happier occasion. A pleasant atmosphere seems to make the food taste better for everyone.

Whether you are at home, at school, visiting, or in a restaurant, you should always come to the table with clean hands and face, and with your hair combed. Come to the table at the right time. It is always discourteous to keep others waiting. Never reach for your food; it is both impolite and unnecessary. Just ask to have something passed and it will come to you with little danger of being spilled and without the awkward, rude appearance of reaching. Avoid speaking with food or drink in your mouth. It is rude and unattractive, as well as difficult, when just a quick swallow would make such a difference. Stand until all the ladies and adults are seated. This is courtesy that is especially important in public and as a guest in someone else’s home.

Boys, remember to help the ladies get up and sit down.

The hostess is the person to watch for a signal to begin eating (she will pick up her fork) and when to rise from the table after finishing the meal.

Etiquette at School

School

One of the most important periods in life is the time spent at school. School is where you learn to make friends as well as keep them while growing intellectually through the regular study activities. Social grace reaches a zenith at school, for you must have manners to earn the respect of friends. You learn to follow set rules and standards of behavior which help you shape your own pattern of behavior.

After you leave home, school is the first main step toward maturity. This section provides some necessary social rules developed by both students and adults that you can follow in learning how to get along successfully with people at school.

Here are some important tips on school etiquette.

The main one is to be thoughtful.

Be punctual. Punctuality is a necessity; not only do teachers require it, but others in society demand it. If you are worried about being late, try to leave early, because early arrival is acceptable, though it is preferred to be right on time.

Be Prepared. Preparedness is achieved by thinking ahead about what is needed and when it will be needed. Through life you will find activities much more enjoyable if you are ready for them.

Be neat and careful with your clothes and possessions. Out of regard for your parents and teachers, as well as for your own sake, try not to lose your things. It is not difficult to keep watch over your clothes, books, toys and other things while you are busy. Neatness of appearance, and orderliness in possessions are qualities that are considered important.

Keep your desk tidy. This tip includes neatness also, but it applies in a different way; it is much easier to do good work in a clear space. One messy desk among a number of neat ones pulls down the appearance of the whole group, which is not fair to the others. Always keep up the good standard.

DO NOT LITTER.

Pick up trash rather than throw it down. Caring about the appearance of not only your own home and school, but town, state and country is the true sign of a good citizen. It should never be too much trouble to hold on to a scrap of trash until you find a litter basket. In large cities especially, people are deeply concerned about the litter problem and even wage campaigns against it. You might join the effort.

Treat your teacher with special respect.

His/her job is to help you to learn, but you alone are responsible for how much you learn. By helping your teacher with her work (cleaning the classroom and caring for others) you are being courteous and should profit from the experience. One caution, never try to gain all of the teacher’s attention for yourself, remember your classmates.

DO NOT laugh at the mistakes or actions of others.

Some people may be a little different in their schoolwork or play, but it is not up to you to point out those differences. When a new student arrives, take it upon yourself to show him around. Guard against thoughtless words or deeds because they can hurt so easily.

Keep noise down. School is a place in which to talk, but not to disturb others. During lunch, while walking in the halls, and while sitting in the classroom are times when noise requires special self-control; it is so easy to become excited and noisy. Learn to avoid making too much noise and you will enjoy having more people appreciate you.

When walking, avoid jostling.

If you stay on the right side of the hall, as cars do on the road, you can avoid jam-ups. This is a good tip to remember when you are on the sidewalk; if you are heading straight for someone, avoid a collision by being the first to turn aside. The best way to be sure a caution is observed (or an accident avoided) is to be the one to take the initiative.

Show your school spirit and pride.

At school, there are many opportunities to participate in planned activities. By entering them you are showing interest in something others care for. If you learn to take genuine interest in things while you are at school, you will enjoy all the more activities offered later in life.

Good manners in games and schoolwork are essential

Do what you know is right, and if there is any doubt consult someone who knows.
Be Honest. Of all the general rules of social conduct, honesty heads the list. Be honest not only with others but with yourself. Cheating, a sore problem in schools, is the worst thing one can do to himself during the critical learning years. If you ever feel confused about the general meaning of the term “honesty,” seek the guidance of your teacher or some other adult. Usually if you rely solely on yourself in doing your schoolwork, you will avoid trouble. Be dependable. Dependability is one of the admirable qualities among the social graces. It is easily described by saying: “Dependability is being trusted to get things done” The major regard for dependability comes with people’s respect and trust in the “doer.” As mentioned before, the way to make sure something gets done is to do it yourself.

Be fair. It is courteous to others to look at both sides before making a decision. Do not be too hasty to judge something or choose a certain point of view. When you are fair with others you are fair with yourself because you show a willingness to co-operate.

Do your best in work and play.

The way to succeed in anything is to put forth all your effort! Only beware of getting too far involved in a project to the point of poor sportsmanship. A “bad sport” — someone who ruins an activity with complaints over trivial matters– is even harder on others then one who is indifferent. Nothing is so vital that you must be rude to your friends.

Good manners in conversation are important enough to make a big difference in the number and quality of your friends.

A rule to bear in mind during conversation is to think before and while you are talking.

Before speaking take a careful, comfortable stance.
Good Posture helps in making your voice clear and distinct. It also improves your appearance, since you will not slouch or laze in the presences of others. Once you are sure of your stance you need not be continually shifting and can concentrate more on what you are saying. Motion during conversation is distracting to others as well as yourself.

Look straight in the eye at the person you are speaking to; thus, you show interest and attention.

You avoid distraction, which might result if you stared at some other part of your friend’s body. All your life you will learn to admire the person who courteously looks you in the eye and speaks straightforwardly.

Think before, during, and after you speak.
This rule has been given as the “main general rule,” for surely it is. A conversation is an exchange of ideas. Ideas can only come with thought. If you follow this rule, you will probably not have to regret a hasty, thoughtless remark. People will appreciate you the more for your clear thinking.

Never try to speak with something in your mouth.
It does not look nice and sounds terrible.
people will not abide it for long.
When you compare the ease with which you speak when your mouth is free in contrast to when you are chewing gum or food, you will soon agree with people’s feelings on the subject.

Speak in a gentle and pleasing tone.
The person with a course, loud voice is usually not liked as well as one with a softer, gentler voice. A person is often judged by his voice, and a quiet spoken manner is more acceptable than loudness. Practice and deliberation can bring about this tone, which represents a form of courtesy because it is pleasing to others.

Avoid the use of slang, swearing, or any other “bad” language.
Bad language indicates poor thinking. It is also discourteous because it is course and unpleasant. Recognize others’ opinions. It is so easy to become overly positive in a conversation. The purpose of a conversation is to exchange ideas. How can you receive any if you refuse to hear and consider them? Often the other person is right, and you are wrong. Always be ready to listen respectfully to what others have to say. New ideas lead to advancement.

Do not interrupt people while they are talking.
Being cut off in the middle of a sentence is annoying. Avoid it if only for the sake of courtesy. The person who loves to talk should also remember that others probably have something equally important to say.

Refrain from sarcasm or double meanings in your conversation.
When people hear you speak in such a way, they either do not understand or, if they do, are annoyed. Conquer this practice by speaking directly and sincerely. Sarcasm and double meaning usually go together as a rude habit, easy to acquire. If someone speaks that way to you, remember your manners, but make it plain that you disapprove.

Try to keep the main topic of the conversation away from yourself.
A person’s favorite topic is himself, but you should be aware that others usually are not as enchanted by you as yourself. If you are genuinely interested in someone or you know they really care about what you have to say, then it is alright to keep the topic on one person. Out in the world, the person who continuously brags about himself is not looked up to as much as someone who is modest about his accomplishments.

Refrain from discussing people’s private affairs or secrets.
Usually gossip is trivial and dull; often false and idle. Turn gossip aside by changing the topic to something more pleasing, such as school activities; there is no limit to good material for conversation.

Try not to speak ill of others.
Tearing down someone else’s accomplishments is usually a sign of jealousy. By making an honest attempt to avoid jealous feelings, you will be appreciated by others and on better terms with yourself.

Reserve a cheerful topic for conversation
Life is to full of pleasant things to dwell on rather than illness, misfortune, or the private concerns of others. Personal remarks or jokes are also in poor taste.

Speak only about things you know
People naturally like to sound informed and wise; unfortunately, some try to elaborate upon topics they do not really understand. The listener can easily tell the difference between the chatter and the well-informed speaker.

In conversation, remember “The voice the smile wins.” If you are sincere and interested in what is being said you will have little trouble enjoying one of society’s favorite pastimes — talking. if you find yourself becoming bored with the conversation, be considerate; try to revive interest, or else change the subject.

Introductions often serve to make new friends.

In today’s fashion it is a way to know people you have never met before, or to renew acquaintances. During the introduction, the rule is to appear friendly and interested, then afterward politely say a few words that may become a brief conversation. If you are making an introduction, show a genuine desire to acquaint people you are bringing together.

When introducing two persons of the same sex,

present the younger to the elder, giving the elder’s name first. If the two are about the same age, present the newer arrival first.

When introducing two people of opposite sex,

always present the male to the female, always giving the female’s name first, regardless of age.

The way to make a good introduction

is to smile in a friendly way and give first the name of the female or, as the case may be, the elder male. The words are not so important as the tone and order of presentation. “This is …” or say “May I present …”. After the introduction you may want to promote a conversation. This is easily accomplished by giving a few details about either or both of the persons you have presented. From there it is up to them to carry on.

If you are one of the persons introduced,

the usual thing to say is “Hello, how are you?” accompanied by a smile. This simple phrase may have many variations. It can be said causally, hurriedly, or eagerly, as the case may be. There is often a wide line between reverse and poor manners. It is not a “must” to make a show of friendliness to someone who does not immediately appeal to you, but you must always be aware of his or her feelings. A smile and a quick, firm handshake accompanied by a direct look are necessary to complete the introduction.

A boy, upon being introduced to a lady,

should rise and offer his hand. Presented to another male, also offers his hand.

Girls, when offered a hand,

are expected to take it as part of the introduction. After the formal introduction, it is usually correct to acknowledge the other person further by carrying on a brief conversation. Never detain anyone from meeting others by trying to command all his attention. You can usually tell whether or not there is time for further conversation.

Those who have been drawn into conversation

through an introduction do not necessarily shake hands at parting, but there is no fixed rule against it. If you find yourself on friendly terms with your new acquaintance, you you may apply the elasticity of social grace to this situation and shake hands on parting.

If occasion demands,

it is correct to introduce yourself. Sometime there is no one around to present you, so you must take the initiative. Simply smile and give your name along with any timely information. Do not shrink from being friendly but avoid being obtrusive. Remember, the first impression you make is important; you would not want to seem to forward.

There may be times when you find yourself speaking with someone

or including someone in your conversation without an introduction. This is alright for everyday life (at the store, in school, in a business building, or elsewhere) but at a more formal social affair you should be introduced or else present yourself. It is fine to be friendly, but you should always observe the basic rules of conduct.

People-friends and strangers alike-judge you by your appearance

Make the habit of always looking clean and tidy and you will usually be presentable. How you care for yourself is a sign to others of your regard in general, and this sign should always be given attention.

Neatness is the key to good appearance.

Always try to look your best, as a courtesy to others, and also because you will actually feel better. Everywhere you go there are people who could be future friends, so do not say to yourself, “I won’t see anyone I know so I needn’t try to look nice.”

Good posture and hygiene (health) are necessary

for a pleasing appearance. If you stand, sit and walk erect your posture will be agreeable. To learn more about posture you should talk to an adult (nurse, teacher, parent, friend) and get individual advice. Good posture depends on effort; sometimes you need help. Good health is a combined responsibility. Those who care for you are expected to provide healthful foods and activities, but you need to take advantage of what is provided. Good health also depends on proper clothing (well-fitting shoes, warm garments for cold weather), cleanliness, and exercise.

Get plenty of sleep —

a necessity for health and personality. You must sleep enough (at least eight hours a night) to maintain good health, to have a pleasing appearance, and to be an active person.

Always be alert for your own and others’ safety.

Life and good health are precious and fragile and should be guarded well. If you become a cautious, courteous person now, you will not grow up to be a reckless person and a danger to society.

Requisite to a pleasing appearance is appropriate dress.

Being attired in the correct clothing can make the difference between comfort in a certain situation or feeling out of place. Dress in clothing that is modestly becoming. Clothing need not be garish; it is courteous to others to avoid attracting attention to yourself. The term “modestly becoming” merely means that your clothes suit the occasion and look good on you.
Keep to the fashion of the time. It is not in good taste to wear clothing that is far outdated. The difference between fashion and fad is that fashion is an established mode or trend, whereas a fad is an exaggerated style that tends to have a short life. If you avoid fad styles and stay with the fashion, you will usually be dressed correctly. It is neither considerate nor necessary to incur expense just to keep up with fads.
Wear clothing suitable for your age. One should not try to be something he is not, especially where clothing is concerned. Once you learn to know and recognize the suitable attire, you will not let some foolish fads sway your taste.
Wear clothing suitable to the time. Day or night, winter, spring, summer, fall — all are factors which should help you decide how to dress. Usually, each season or time has its own fashion, easily recognized, to aid a person in choosing what to wear. Beware of the tendency to be carried away by a certain style. Remember to choose carefully, vary your choices, and you will usually be dressed appropriately.
Wear clothing suitable to the place. Where you happen to be is almost as important as the occasion itself. Each place has its individual “specialty” or mode that should be recognized, along with the other considerations for style of dress. School, church, city, home are all primary examples of places demanding their own manner of dress.

Etiquette In Society

Society

Society explained

What is “society?” Society is people; anywhere, any time, you are around people you rely upon your social grace to help you to succeed. As you grow older you will find yourself more and more involved with society because you are becoming a mature member of that society. In a group, you should remember to control your manners in a more general way, so as to include many people. Develop your ability to follow through with what your courteous instinct tells you what is right. Here are some tips to keep in mind when you are out in public (on the streets, in civic buildings, at games, and so forth).

The main thing to remember is respect for others,

Your behavior should never offend anyone. If something wrong should happen be ready to show your courtesy by being helpful.

Always look your best, according to the time place and occasion.

People judge you by your appearance. Cleanliness, tidiness, and good posture are all pleasing sides of a healthy person. Appearance is also improved by holding the head up and looking people straight in the eye. Never neglect what is perhaps most pleasing: smile.

It is not good manners to eat (chew gum, drink soda pop,or actually consume food) in places not meant for such activities.

Grooming yourself in public is also not sanctioned—that is, combing your hair, adjusting clothing, or in other ways attending your appearance. Follow the dictates of pride: such personal grooming should be private. Surely you have found it distasteful if you have ever seen someone primping and preening in your presence or before others.

Cover your mouth when you sneeze, yawn, or cough.

This rule should be followed everywhere, not just in public — for two reasons, common courtesy being the basis of both. The first reason is your appearance; just seeing someone else do it would tell you how unpleasant it is. The second, and most important reason is health. Sneezing, coughing, and yawning spread germs and you can help prevent this by covering your mouth.

Never lounge on the street staring at or talking out loud to passers-by.

It is rude to address strangers and worse than rude to make impertinent remarks in public. Some young people find it entertaining or amusing to involve others with their stares and remarks; such people are not good citizens. There are many activities planned by communities and individual groups to do away with much of this street lounging, and you should take advantage of the opportunities.

While walking, watch out for the safety of others.

It is so easy to let your attention wander and then collide with another pedestrian. This need not happen if you take care of where you are headed. Later, when you began to drive a car, you will learn that you should be alert not only for yourself and others near you, but to all who may chance to be in your path.

One should never mark buildings, monuments, signs, streets, or sidewalks.

The old saying, “Fools names and fools’ faces are often seen in public places,” is well to repeat. It expresses the general public’s disapproval of the vandal who feels he must mark or ruin the appearance of what belongs to everyone. In a more positive sense, it is good to say, “Obey signs rather than ruin them.” Signs are an example of public property put up for the use of all. When the vandal has his way, he is wrecking what belongs as much to him as to you. Fortunately, there are good citizens who try to prevent such things from happening.

A rule that has been mentioned before but needs a reminder is the litterbug rule:

Pick up rather then throw down. Particularly in public places, it is poor citizenship to contribute to a messy appearance by careless littering. The law prohibits it in many cities.

When you are in a public place,

you should remember at all times that other people are around. Older persons, especially, cannot watch out for you, and courtesy demands that you should take care not to get in the way. Sometimes it is intelligent to watch and be aware of the crowds. Crowds often generate excitement, even become dangerous, and should be avoided. In any case, if an assemblage does flare up into heated behavior, keep a safe distance because of possible injury.

Etiquette In Society-Places

Places

Etiquette-places

In stores, hospitals, and places of business.

A good rule is to know where you are, and act accordingly. Such places may have a system of controlling noise; rowdy behavior is usually not tolerated. Make it a point to understand what the places are meant for, and you will rarely make a mistake. The following tips will serve as a basis for deportment in public buildings.

Be courteous to salespeople

or to whomever offers help to people in a place of business. Employees want to help you, so do what you can by letting them assist you. If you do not need help (surprisingly enough, you usually do), politely tell the salesperson you are “just looking” or waiting or whatever may account for your presence.

When you are being helped,

be sure to make your wishes clear so there will be no mistake about what you want. Thus there will be no confusion as to choices or selection. The ability to make things clear is a quality you should develop, because all your life you will be called on to make decisions. If you cannot express your wishes, not much can be done to carry them out. You owe the staff the ordinary consideration of making your needs understood.

Make up your mind before buying anything.

By doing so, you will save time and exasperation for both you and the salespeople. If you make a poor choice and then regret it, so that you are obliged to return the merchandise, that choice has proved a waste of time. Just consider the factors involved in making a purchase: cost, appearance, appropriateness, and then decide whether you really want it. A hurried purchase is usually not as satisfactory as one that requires a little thinking but avoid wasting time over it. Choose carefully, weigh the pros and cons, but one should not dawdle or loiter; other shoppers want their turn.

Consideration of others in the theater, church, or in group and assembly is urgent

By disturbing others, you rob them of enjoyment or interest in the program. Besides, by disturbing others you do yourself harm because you also miss the purpose of the entertainment. Above all, keep control of yourself at all times. Never do or start anything unless you are sure it is correct. If you remember where you are and act accordingly, you will seldom have an etiquette problem.

At a social affair,

be sure to come on time. Punctuality is a good habit and is greatly appreciated. If you are worried that the time is inconvenient, be there early and wait quietly, rather than show up late. By arriving early or on time you are more likely to enjoy the social occasion. Once you enter the assembly hall or theater, take your seat quickly to avoid the confusion often caused by people scrambling for seats at the last minute. In taking a seat promptly you also assure you have a place to sit. While seating and waiting for a program to begin, refrain from staring at others. It is a temptation for many people to sit and amuse themselves by turning and gaping at their neighbors. Staring is always a rude pastime. If you are in need of something to do while waiting, study the printed program so you will know the order of things when they begin. Thus, you will avoid further confusion because you will not need to refer back to the program so often. Often pre-program conversations become noisy, due to excitement and anticipation. Do your best to keep noise to a minimum while awaiting a performance.

If you must be late,

and the performance has already begun,you should enter quietly. You can readily understand why: a quiet entrance calls less attention to yourself and will not disturb the audience so much as a loud entrance that causes whispers, giggles, or even laughter. A late arrival makes it difficult to find a seat, unless it is reserved. Quietly ask the usher for help; he is there for that purpose. Passing over others to reach a seat is not really awkward unless you should unthinkingly stumble over someone’s feet. Do it quietly by not giggling, speaking only to murmur “Excuse me” or “Thank-you” once you are safely seated. Observe the same procedure if you find you must leave your seat during the performance. Solve any problems in an orderly manner. This rule is a basic one on which courtesy is built. It may be that someone is occupying your seat. Inform him politely; if this does no good, find an usher to help. Hold on to your ticket stub until you find your seat. It is wise to keep it until the show ends. If the problem provides no other solution then to move to another seat, then do so. Nothing is so important you must disturb others. Of course, if you ever find yourself in such a situation, the polite thing to do is move. Confusion rarely helps, and avoiding it puts you on a higher plane of courtesy then the troublemaker. At the inter mission you can straighten out the difficulty, or drop the matter.

Talking, whispering, or singing during a performance is to be deplored.

It is a temptation to read the credits aloud, especially to those younger then you. Ask your companions to hold all comments and questions until the end of the program or at least until the inter-mission. The same rule goes for you — communicate with others only in an emergency. Often any questions you may have are answered during the program.

If you must leave your seat during the performance,

take your belongings with you, unless you can entrust them to someone. The theater (or wherever you are) is not responsible for lost articles, so take good care of them. If you remember that carelessness may lead to loss, you will not have to complain of theft. Also, when someone entrust his things to you, be just as careful with them as if they were your own.

It is (except in special circumstances) consider correct to eat or drink in places of assembly.

The exceptions are when you know it is wrong to do so, or where the rules prohibit eating. When you are doubtful about such matters, inquire. It is better to ask a question and get an answer then to be embarrassed by doing something definitely out of keeping.

While chewing gum, and eating or drinking refreshments,

be sure not to make noises that may bother the rest of the audience.

Before littering the floor of the theater,

check to see if others are doing it, and since that is often not correct, see if there is a receptacle for refuse. Places of assembly usually have some sort of maintenance; however, it is never proper to create unnecessary work.

Behave according to the occasion.

This rule may be explained by saying that you should never do anything that is not suggested by the mood of the performance; sometimes you can follow what the majority of the audience is doing, but not always. If you are ever in doubt about what to do, sit quietly and control your actions until you are sure that laughing, applauding, or whatever, is correct.

In a confined theater,

church, or other place of assembly, it is mandatory to keep calm, especially in an emergency that may call for a fast exit. During any type of exit, you should move quietly and steadily toward the nearest door.

Proper manners in a restaurant can often make the difference between the good time or bad.

Different restaurants call for different kinds of courtesy. You would certainly hold a hamburger in your fingers at a hot-dog stand, but at a regular restaurant one is expected to use the silverware. Table manners should be observed at all times in a restaurant, as in any place you are eating. Remember that other people are expecting to enjoy a pleasant meal, and you should not distract or annoy those around you.

Remain as quiet as possible on entering a restaurant,

while you are eating, and when you leave. Bustle and clamor and loud talk disrupts a peaceful atmosphere. Creating a disturbance is a method of attention-getting which, along with other methods, such as wearing out-of-place clothing, will win scant applause.

When ordering, make your wishes clear,

as a courtesy to the waiter. He wants to serve you, and he would prefer not to bring you something you did not ask for. When you make a wise, sure decision there is little or no danger of your wanting to change your mind. It is usually all right to request an added item during the meal.

If you should happen to drop a napkin or piece of silverware,

do not hesitate to ask for another, rather then grope around on the floor in an effort to retrieve it. One reminder: the table manners you have been taught at home may be a little different from those you observe at the restaurant. If so, you can readily adapt yourself by observing the actions of others or by asking questions.

The meal over, you are ready to leave.

The exit should be orderly. If you are with someone who accepts the responsibility of the check, you may either sit quietly until he has paid and returns to leave a tip, or follow him while the check is being paid, then go quietly out the door. While waiting, you should not stare or bother the other patrons. If you have been given the responsibility of the check, you should assist the rest of your party in a graceful exit, following the suggestions just given. And remembering to leave a tip. Tips are 15 per cent of the price of the meal. Gather up any article of clothing, purse, or umbrella that you may have put down; public places are not responsible for articles unless they have been checked.

Etiquette In Society-Gifts

Gifts

Etiquette-Gifts

Exchanging gifts is among the thoughtful things people do for each other.

The main thing to remember is that your gift must be sincere and heartfelt before it can mean much to the recipient. As it is often said, “It is not the gift but the thought that counts.”

Before offering a gift, try to anticipate the recipient’s desires.

Make sure the gift is appropriate and then decide what gift would be most appreciated. To give the wrong gift causes embarrassment, and you can prevent awkward situations by deciding carefully. Review all the factors, such as time, place, and the person’s tastes and interest.

Present your gift in a nicely wrapped package.

A pleasing appearance always makes it seem all the more handsome; the “extra” touches show thought and care.

When you give someone a present you are showing affection,

and there should be no selfish motive behind it. The whole spirit in giving is wasted when you expect to be rewarded.

You may on occasion receive a gift that you do not like.

Remember that it is discourteous to give or throw away a gift. The mark of a courteous person is when he can cover up his distaste to save the feelings of another person. To save your own feelings, try to forget for the moment what the gift was and just consider the thoughtfulness behind it.

Make your feelings and wishes clear to other people–

within reason, thus, disappointments are less likely to occur. If you must, for a good reason, take the gift back for exchange, let the giver know why, so as not to hurt his feelings. A situation of this sort can always be dealt with politely; by explaining why you could not accept it, at the same time showing your sincere appreciation for the thought. In this way you courteously smooth over an uncomfortable circumstance.

Gifts must be acknowledged as soon as possible with a thank-you of some sort.

It is not difficult to be sincere in thanking someone. If the giver is present thank him immediately, and if he is not present send him a note or letter of thanks promptly. Telephone calls are also an acceptable method of expressing gratitude.

Etiquette In Society-Correspondences

Correspondences

Etiquette-Correspondences

Keeping in touch with other people through correspondence is one of the most lasting, secure ways to maintain friendships.

No matter what the distance, or how much time has passed, if regular communication is kept up, friendship will be maintained and may even grow. Here are some common-sense rules about correspondence.

Always answer your mail promptly.

A prompt reply is appreciated because it shows you are eager to correspond. Invitations, condolences, and greetings should be sent as soon as possible — a courtesy that shows people you are thinking of them.

Write your bread-and-butter notes no later then the day after departure.

Expression of gratitude should never be belated, as a courtesy to the hostess. By being prompt you are showing appreciation for the favor.

Show good taste in selecting writing paper.

Use different paper according to the occasion. Expensive paper is not necessary for a letter to a friend, but school notebook paper is not correct for a thank-you note. A nice medium, such as unlined white paper, may be used, except for printed invitations, birthday cards, or the like, as the occasion demands.

Good penmanship is desirable.

There are many styles of handwriting, but the rule is legibility. If your writing is not clear or readable, you should print or typewrite, until your handwriting has improved. Using a typewriter is correct, though not as personal as your own handwriting. Sloppy, careless letters are un-pardonable, so rather than send a hurried note that may be displeasing, copy the letter over.

Use the proper form in writing a letter.

Follow the basic principle that “if you will not do something correctly, there is no reason to do it at all.” Proper form is not difficult. A well-known pattern that people have found satisfactory for years and years is: Start with a greeting, move into the main part or body of the letter, and finish with a conclusion and farewell.

In writing, be yourself.

Too often, people use correspondence as an excuse to be different, which is not good because it confuses others. Your letter should express a bit of yourself. Write a refined version of the way you speak and act, because this is what the recipient expects and usually desires.

Bear in mind the person you are writing to.

You can easily fall into a lengthy discussion of yourself and bore the reader. True, he is interested in you and your activities, and you should give him any important details about your doings, depending on how intimate you are. Then show your interest by commenting on news you have of him, or say you wish you had more. You might even ask a question or two, without seeming to pry into personal matters.

In closing a letter, be sincere but not to flowery.

As in speaking, think before you write, so as not to write anything you may regret. Conclusions and farewells are often awkward. Uncomfortable passages can be avoided by being brief and to the point.

Place your letters, notes, invitations, and other greetings carefully in their envelopes.

An untidy folded communication is surely not calculated to keep your reader’s regard

Address the envelope carefully.

A badly addressed envelope spoils its chance of being delivered. Without a return address, the letter may end up in the dead-letter office.

Etiquette In Travel

Travel

Etiquette-Travel

When traveling abroad, remember that you are a foreigner

What you may see away from home will certainly be different from what you are accustomed to. All the new sights you meet are the reason for your journey. Every place has its own history and environment. It is your responsibility as a traveler to find and recognize places of interest. Once you do, you will enjoy traveling even more.

Learn to adapt yourself.

One reason for traveling is to observe and take part in different customs. You will experience all kinds of meals at odd times, strange places to sleep, and different people. All these encounters must be taken with the proper attitude, or you may act discourteously toward people who are trying to help you enjoy your travels.

On trips, keep your belongings neat and compact

By staying neat and organized you will have an easier time in general; there will be more time to see the sights.

Curb your souvenir tendencies.

Choose your purchases and try to select things that will give you pleasure, or that will be worthy mementoes of an enjoyable vacation.

When asking for information, make your inquires clear.

People are often pleased to help you, but they need to understand just what you mean. In trains and planes where there are porters and stewardesses to help you, do not hesitate to ask politely for anything you really need, without being a nuisance.

In hotels, motels, or wherever people are trying to sleep,

be as quiet as possible, because some people keep what you may call strange hours for sleeping. Be considerate, whatever the hour of day or night

Preserve your presence of mind while traveling.

A calm, pleasant attitude, even during a strange adventure, will help to keep you out of trouble. Presumably you are interested in what you are seeing for the first time; keep that interest alive by learning to recognize all the points of importance.